Breaking Up With Food

I have to break up with food before it kills me.

I clearly remember some 2 1/2 years ago when I wrote that on my weight loss blog. At 359 lbs, I weighed more than Shaquille O'Neal. I was wearing a 26/28, the very last size in Lane Bryant. I was suffering from borderline diabetes mellitus, sleep apnea, mild asthma, joint pain, and high blood pressure. I was only 28, but at the rate I was going, it wasn't certain I would see 38.

I had to break up with food before it killed me.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't overweight. I was a chubby kid and have some memories of my mother sometimes having a hard time finding clothes for me for special occasions. She tried to help me - there were doctor's visits, specialized weight loss programs, gym memberships and dance classes. I would have initial success and then return to my same old habits. It got to the point that I was taking money from my her purse to buy extra food. I was am an addict.

By the time I got to high school, I tipped the scales at 250lbs. I don't ever remember weighing anything less. I joke that I went from diapers to size 3x overnight. Looking back, I can clearly identify the reasons I started gaining weight. My overdeveloped frame drew unwanted attention and thus began a sense of unease around men that still persists today. Essentially, I put on a fat suit to shield me. The fatter I got, the less attention I would draw. By the time I went off to college, I was well over 300lbs.

Even at 359lbs, I still embraced life. I started traveling internationally right after I graduated. I had romantic relationships. I dressed better than most people I knew, overweight or normal. I was always aware that I was often the largest thing in the room, but it wasn't something that constantly bothered me. I wasn't miserable. My personality and style was such that people didn't treat me differently because of my weight - at least not to my face. I just went about my life as a morbidly obese woman, assuming that's how it would always be. I didn't even own a scale and often didn't know my weight until my yearly physical. Like so many things in my life, if I ignored it, it wasn't an issue.

As I entered my late twenties, I started noticing more joint pain, particularly in my knees. I was getting more winded. I was tired of carrying around the weight of two people. I discovered that I was borderline diabetic, something I had always feared. I was tired of taking up more than my share of the train seat ; tired of dreading the whispered request for a seat belt extension. I didn't want to end up a statistic - losing my life to something preventable. I had too much to live for.

I had to do something.

I had to break up with food before I killed me.

I am Vivrant Thang, a new guest blogger here at Sweet Potato Pie. I feel I have an important story to tell -how I lost 140lbs and seven dress sizes and added years to my life. It's not a conventional story, but one I hope that some of you will relate to and learn from.

Still Crazy After All These Months...

It Was My Birthday.....

Hey All!

Wow, it is actually April, where does the time go?!?

Lessee , last time I talked to you, the diet went south, my heart was soaring heavenward, and the butt was spreading over the horizon. Since then, Mr. Marvelous turned out to be not so marvelous. Well, he was still nice, just not as.....single as I would have liked him to be. So I bid him adieu and spent the next couple of months plotting a messy and painful revenge for the jerk - I mean, contemplating and meditating on what was next for my life. Oh hell, I spent the next couple of months eating. Screw Dr. Phil, Betty Crocker was my shrink!


Anyhoo, we are starting over yet again - I lost a total of 25 lbs for the diet contest which ended in January....and I gained a total of 25 pounds and counting as of today. Soooo, getting back with my diet buddies both on and offline to see what we can do about this old friend that won't go away! Because I am a diabetic, the Atkins diet was perfect for me and I did lose weight - but life without carbs was kinda wearing on me and Christmas really put the Kibosh on the whole thing. It is a lifestyle, but life without Chocolate Cake was just too hard to bear. So I think that I will join Weight Watchers and get back on my walking/running/almost dying exercise regimen.

I have a new motivation - on May 6th, I will be going to Yosemite in California! Hiking, fresh air, camping out, possibly falling off a mountain, getting mauled by bears on the way to the bathroom which by the way is about 100 yards from the tent - oh yeah can't wait! So I am going to have to get in at least a little shape for all of the exercise and good times that are to come! Can't Wait!


It's the getting started part that is hard - but, I CAN DO IT!!



The pics above were from February 21 of this year - my birthday. I wanted to blog this on that day, but life got in the way, so now that things have calmed down a bit I think I will share now.

I turned 42 that day. Walked into the office to good friends , great food (Bob made these pumpkin muffins that were to die for) and a surprise bouquet from a special buddy of mine. It didn't matter that I had loved and lost, or that I had gained a few pounds. That day I felt really special and loved , and as I do every birthday, I found and counted my blessings to match my age.

.......Then I went out and got blasted out of my mind!! Great day all around!!

Talk at ya later folks! Next post - facing the dreaded scale once again!

More on Emotional Eating

So I was searching the web for some practical solutions to emotional eating but kept coming up short. So I thought well, I can offer what (little) advice I have on how to deal with the problem.

1. Run. LOL. Or simply put find some other way to channel whatever energy you have that you'd rather put into a pint of Haagen-Das, a bag of oreos or whatever you favorite comfort food is.

I used to be a really angry person for a lot of different reasons. Eating was one way to deal with that anger, sex was another (that's another conversation) but EXERCISE was the best. Nothing mellowed me out faster then doing 20-30 minutes on the treadmill or punching a heavy bag or running. The idea was to exhaust myself so that I wouldn't have time to worry or stress about what upset me.

2. Bargain with yourself. Like I said in the last post I made a deal with myself. Eat all of the good stuff (fruit, veggies, whole grains, etc.) during the day and then ice cream is my reward. And let me stress to you how much I Luuuuuvvvv ice cream.

3. Wait it out. What I mean about this is that if you find that you're craving something to eat but know you're not really hungry give it 10-15 minutes before you indulge and most importantly go do something else. Call a friend, hit up a blog (preferably this one:-) ), clean something...whatever it takes to let the craving past.

That' s all I have for now but if you have other suggestions feel free to post them. This is a subject I will come back to a lot 'cause I suspect that many of us are eating for reasons that have nothing to with hunger and for us to lose and keep the weight off it is something we will have to understand and work on.

Emotional Eating

My name is T.S. Johnson and I am an emotional eater.

LOL.

Seriously, I eat for many reasons that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with hunger.

I eat because I am sad, lonely, bored, depressed, angry, horny (yeah I said it) and for a host of other reasons that have nothing to do with satisfying a biological need. I wish I could sit here and tell you that I have conquered this issue and that's why I'm currently losing weight but I'd be lying.

I don't have any good answers for it. For me my emotional eating is usually not a problem. Since I turned 18 I have worked out regularly. So worst case scenario I wouldn't lose any weight but I wouldn't gain any either.

The problem would come when I wouldn't be exercising as often or as hard as I should be then I would gain weight. Lots of it. This is basically what happened after I had my daughter. I was 130lbs right after and within a year I was 160lbs. SMH.

While I still passed what I call the "jeans test" ( I still looked good in a pair of jeans and plenty of people let me know it. LOL) I went form a size 4 to a size 10 and just thought I was the size of a cow. And much of the weight stemmed from a mix of depression, frustrations, stress and much more sedentary lifestyle then I was use to.

So what do I do now? Well I still eat for various non-hunger reasons but I made a deal with myself that if I eat most of the right things during the day (fruit, vegetables, whole grains, etc.) then I can indulge in a little ice cream.

I also decided I wouldn't have any guilt about what I was eating anymore. If I had a bad day and indulged a little more then I should have then I'd say okay and I'd do better the next day. My system isn't perfect but it works for me.

So my question for those of you who fall in the emotional eating category is: what do you do? What are your strategies for dealing with it? What are the reasons behind why you eat?

For those of you who read this and are thinking, "I have no idea what she is talking about it. I just don't get it," feel free to play armchair psychiatrist and offer your insight.