Adore The Skin You Are In

You live, you die
And spend the years in between asking the question
Why you've been through what you been
You lose, you win
You even pay for other sins
But you must always adore the skin you are in

A couple of weekends ago, I went out to a sports bar with a girlfriend. We were dressed to the nines as we planned to head out to a club afterwards to meet up with some folks for a birthday celebration. I was wearing a sassy skirt and a sleeveless top that dipped dangerously in the middle. When I weighed over 300lbs you wouldn't dare catch me in anything sleeveless. Even though my weight was pretty evenly distributed over my 5'9 frame, my arms were extremely large. I was disgusted by them so naturally everyone else would be. For most of my teens years into my twenties, I kept them under wraps.

Now that I have lost the weight, my arms still remain fairly large. Although it's been a while since I stopped covering them up, whenever I see pictures of myself, my eye still goes to my arms and how they appear in comparison to the rest of my body. I often try to pose to hide them.

On this particular night as we were finishing up dinner, a photographer came around taking picture for the restaurant website. I hate being photographed because I don't consider myself especially photogenic. Probably stems from the days I was super morbidly obese and was reminded of how I looked to other people every time I looked at a photo of myself. As the photographer started to take the picture, I unconsciously pulled my jacket up over my arms. He gave me a disapproving look until I removed it.

Afterwards, he sat down next to me and told me how beautiful I was and how women out there were paying thousands of dollars to get what I had. "Love what you got. Don't be ashamed of it or cover it up." I didn't get the sense he was trying to get his mack on. He was just telling it as he saw it. His words definitely gave me plenty of food for thought.

When I decided to have the surgery, my main goals were to be healthy and to truly be comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to like what I saw when I walked past the mirror. So many women, whether they are a size 2 or a 22, are not happy with themselves. If you're not happy with yourself, how can anyone else be happy with you or around you. I don't want that. I want to truly embrace and adore the skin I am in.

Do you? If not, what are you doing about it?

Barriers to Weight Loss: What Black Women Can Learn From White Women

Since this is a topic that I was recently talking to a friend about and one that Tracy mentioned would be a future blog topic I decided I'd add my two cents to the topic:

I was in the gym last week and a friend of mine who is a personal trainer (and a stripper but that's another story) said in his experience white women are more inclined to address a weight problem before it becomes a real problem. His exact words were:

A white woman will but on 5 pounds freak out, go to the gym and mess around and lose 10lbs. Black women will put on 5, 10, 30, 40 pounds and then say 'Girl I need to do something about this.'

So lesson number 1 is: When you see that your weight is a problem, deal with it EARLY don't wait until you've gone from a size 8 to a size 14 before you address the issues at hand. Being Proactive is much better (and easier) then being Reactive.

Lesson number 2 comes from a 2003 study that was published in the journal 'Ethnicity and Disease.' It states that:

A recent study has revealed that overweight or obese white women are more inclined to ask for dieting help than their African-American counterparts.

This is an important point to take note of. The article about the study further notes that:

"We found that African-American women did not differ from Caucasians in terms of concerns about body shape and weight. But white women were more likely to be influenced by those concerns to seek help,” said lead author Dr. Rachel Annunziato, Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine.

So what we learn is that for whatever reason Black women aren't motivated by body image in the same way their white counterparts are and this lack of motivation (even though the concern is there) prevents Black women from seeking help regarding their weight.

The articles offers some suggestions why this may be the case from cultural factors to women being the primary caregivers of everyone but themselves.

My personal trainer friend also noted that for whatever reason White women are more inclined to invest in their health in a way that Black women do not. He elaborated that black women will invest in things to make them look nice (clothes, hair, nails, etc.) but won't invest in the things that will make them healthy.

Now I'm not saying my personal trainer friend's word is the end all be all on the topic but much of what he says is backed up by other sources such as the article 'Black Women Confuse Beauty With Health' which touches on the issue of black women striving to look good instead of being healthy.

So Lesson 3 is: Health and Beauty are not synonymous and Black women need to learn and understand the difference if they want to be successful in having a fit and healthy lifestyle.

Just some things to think about this post 3-day weekend morning.

Today is a new Day. What are you waiting for?

Barriers to Weight Loss: Hair

Alright ladies. Let's talk hair. In studies that are done about what's preventing AA women from working out, hair often comes up.

From the Baylor College of Medicine:

Most of the women who participated in the study reported that managing their hair made exercising a challenge.

From: Cutural Factors Keep Some Black Women Away From The Gym

Also, to get black women to exercise and adopt healthful lifestyles, you must take hair and appearance into consideration, Railey says.

"If a woman spends hours in a (salon) chair and spends $60, she’s out of the gym for at least two days,” Railey says.

So as you can see hair is a problem. A Big problem. My take on this is this: If it comes down between a a nice hairdo and heart disease/diabetes/cancer/hypertension and a slew of other illnesses. Which would you choose? That should be a no-brainer. But apparently it's not.

I'm a black woman so I understand how a lot of BW's confidence is tied up in their hair (and a myriad of other things) but at the end of the day your hairstyle shouldn't dictate your health.

The way I see it there are only 2 options to the hair dilemma. Option 1:

The Wrap

When I had hair (I'm currently a member of what I like to call: The Happy, Nappy, Natural and Free, Club) I used to wrap it before I went to the gym and slapped a scarf on it. Any Black woman worth her salt knows a well executed wrap can secure salon style straightness with minimal effort.

What wrapping your hair also does is prevent a lot of the excess moisture (read sweat) from wreaking havoc on your do. I know that for many Black women the worst thing that can happen is to have their freshly relaxed hair "turn" and those edges not be a s straight as they were when they left the hairdresser.

Wraps help to cut down on the "turning" and once you're ready to leave the gym if you have somewhere to go, comb out the wrap, apply a light bump with a curling iron or flat iron (optional) and you're good to go. Just as fly as when you left the salon.

Now obviously if you're working our regularly and you sweat profusely you will need to up how many times a week you wash your hair. Once a week to twice a week (three times a week is pushing it with relaxed hair 'cause it dries out so easily) should do the trick and be prepared to wrap it again.

If that sounds like it is too much work for you then there's Option 2:

Go Natural

Yeah I said it. Go natural. Black women are the only women on the planet who are told that there is a problem with their hair being in its natural state. White women may dye their hair (we do it too) but the texture of their hair remains the same.

To sistahs I say: Get out of bondage. Stop letting your hair rule you and wear (and love) the hair that God gave you.

With natural hair the issues Black women have with their hair and the gym disappear. Natural hair is wash and go hair. As a kid I used to envy White women and other non-black women for their wash and go/less labor intensive hair. It took me to get older to realize that I had wash and go hair too; it's just when you chemically alter our hair it doesn't do what it is naturally supposed to do.

I've been natural before. I had a min-afro for awhile and then at my mother's insistence I relaxed it. Then after a bad chemical burn that took out part of my hair and countless breakages and dryness I said, "Enough is a enough," and chopped it all off.

So now I have a very low boys haircut. And when I say low, I mean low. There are men running around with more hair on their heads then I have.

And here's a secret: Men LOVE it. Black men ladies. I get complimented on my hair ALL of the time. Young black men. Old black men. Rich, poor. Professional, blue collar. Compliments all of the time.

When I first cut it I was worried that I was completely ruining my dating life. I just KNEW brothers weren't going to pay me any mind. Big butt aside I didn't have any hair and all you hear (and see) is how a black man wants a woman with long flowing hair, whether it's hers or not.

Here's the other secret. The other thing I learned from this year of no hair: Men like women. Period. If they think you're hot then it doesn't really matter what's going on with your hair as long as it's neat and looks nice on you.

Oh and the bonus for those of you who want to date inter-racially: White men love it. I mean you'd think I was Halle Berry or something with the way they react. LOL.

My point is that you shouldn't let your hair determine you health. AND whether or not a man likes your hair isn't important, even though I know appearing attractive to the opposite sex is important to just about everybody.

While I'm trying to start a weight revolution maybe it's time we start a hair one to. It's time to stop ladies. Stop letting you hair rule you and time for you to rule your hair. Take back your life.

Today is a new day. So what are you waiting for?