In Defense of Monique: The Connection Between Abuse and Obesity

Hey All!

Well, in spite of the old hormones, I have some good news to report - I lost another 2.4 lbs. bringing my total lost so far to (drum roll please) 9lbs.!! Not bad for September, baby steps....

I'm gonna take it down and be serious this post - don't worry, the funny will be back next time, but I needed to have a chat with y'all about something that has been bothering me for quite some time. Thanks to all of you for letting me vent (especially you Ms. Johnson).

Recently, the actress and comedienne Monique was featured on a special issue of Essence magazine. The issue was spotlighting full figured women, and there was an in-depth interview with her about her life struggles and issues that she has had to deal with. Ladies, if you get a chance, read the interview, I cried..

Anyhoo, a few of the blogs that I frequent made mention of Monique, the Essence cover, and how she is FINALLY starting to lose some weight. And then the comments rolled in.....

I am not quoting verbatim, but the gist of it was "She is too fat, it is not cute, how dare she make fun of skinny women, oh and did I mention that she is fat, 'bout time she did something about that fat" you get the idea.

I sat back and thought "Dang, where is the love?" Now, I could have been a troll and shook some thangs up on behalf of the big sistahs, but those people are kind of sad, and in the end, its just words on a page...But I do want to make mention of this one thing..

The article on Monique was not about her losing weight...It was about her ordeal as a victim of sexual abuse. The weight loss was a result of her finally coming to terms and dealing with what happened to her.

I tried to google "black women sexual abuse overweight" and surprisingly, nothing that I needed popped up, so I am making a guesstimation here until I can get some concrete numbers, but I would say that a good number of overweight sisters have been thru some kind of trauma or abuse at some point in their lives. And...I am including myself in that "good number".

Being overweight is not all about eating too much, being greedy, lack of self control, portion control, being lazy etc. If it were that simple, then there wouldn't be yo yo dieting and relapsing. I have been a "professional" dieter for almost 25 years now. Losing weight is easy - maintaining is the hard part.

See, I never could understand how I could lose the weight, look good and then pile it all back on within a matter of months. My last foray with my struggle, coupled with the fact that I am now over 40 and single, made me take a good long look at myself. Why was I still doing this dance, when so many others just lose and go on with their lives? I was truly sick of being big, and making excuses and, quite frankly FAILING at this game. Yeah, I tried to do the usual pep talk, "oh girl you allright, you got God, family, and the whole enchilada" but I knew that it wasn't going to work this time.

So, I took that leap, went back to my doctor (who was none too happy with me), and got a referral for counseling. It was time to deal with what I had been pushing back for years. It was (and still is) the most terrifying thing to have to regurgitate everything that I went thru. Some days, I had to talk myself out of bed, into the shower, out of the door and into my car, but I made it. I am not nearly out of the woods yet, but I can see the sun from where I am. And now, after almost five months of therapy, when I say that what happened to me was not my fault, I can truly believe it. And I can move on....

I guess the point to all of this rambling is this: None of the bloggers or commenters that I read mentioned Monique's revelation about her abuse and how she dealt with it. It seems that we are still sweeping the abuse of our sisters under the rug. I cannot stress this enough: We will not be able to deal with the obesity epidemic until we deal with its causes. We need to break down the myths and stigmatisms about getting professional help . And most of all , we need to be there for each other, not just lip service, but be that shoulder or that backbone.

I don't have all of the pieces to the puzzle yet, some days I cry tears that should have been shed long ago. But, I am starting to get some kind of clarity about my situation and I am ready to take the next baby step....

Well, thanks for letting me rant a bit - if anyone has any questions or comments, I would love to hear from you! We are in this together!

Next time: Tracy and Deb - The Scale Wars! Oh, and Grant is back too, with helpful hints on how to lift weights without having a coronary!

Til next time, You can do it!

Me, Still Smokin'!

Hey All!

Been awhile between posts I know! I missed you too! Since I finally got some down time, lets play catchup! Get your jammies on and pour yourself some vino or some hot chocolate - here's the scoop!

Weight wise I have managed to gain quite a bit back...I weighed myself Friday morning to 234 - that is 10 pounds away from where I started, so it's back on track for me! I have gone back to my bible - the Atkins book - and am, yep, starting over again! So this weekend was supposed to be the last, last, really last, I mean it last hurrah! I was supposed to go over a girlfriends house and eat mac and cheese, then we were going to go out paaaaartying and I was going to have margarita's and coronas. Mr. Windstar and Aunt Flo (yes her again!) put a monkeywrench into those plans, but I guess it is just as well, I think that I have binged enough over the last two months. I really want to be sick of food and be over it, but alas he is a lover that I cannot shake! Especially if he comes in Chocolate! or Mexican! or Cheesecake! Damn, I'm getting hungry again.....

Life wise, things couldn't be better! Got me a new fella that is car - azy about Miss Tracy! The second date he called me his Queen and has been a complete sweetheart to me! He loves to cuddle and says that I could not be more perfect. So, to hell with the diet and.......oh no wait, still have my diabetes to contend with and all of those new clothes that I bought. And Valentines Day is coming up, not to mention my birthday and I wanted to be smaller by then. And he did mention something about a nightie that he bought me - Yep its back on! Right now , in its current state, lace is not coming anywhere near this ass! Tho a long sexy gown with a silk coverup might be nice....

See that is still my problem! Big or small (ok less big) I still think that I am the shizz! Is that overconfidence? or Delusion? and when and where is the breaking point? Maybe love has clouded my judgement lately, but I still have goals for myself that I have to reach, not to mention that there are folks in this weight loss journey with me that are looking to me for support.. what to do, what to do.....

Ah well, would love to hear from anyone that is going thru, or has gone thru the same thing! Lets hear from some sista's that are in the game, or have won the game!

Til next time! You Can Do It!

Barriers to Weight Loss: What Black Women Can Learn From White Women

Since this is a topic that I was recently talking to a friend about and one that Tracy mentioned would be a future blog topic I decided I'd add my two cents to the topic:

I was in the gym last week and a friend of mine who is a personal trainer (and a stripper but that's another story) said in his experience white women are more inclined to address a weight problem before it becomes a real problem. His exact words were:

A white woman will but on 5 pounds freak out, go to the gym and mess around and lose 10lbs. Black women will put on 5, 10, 30, 40 pounds and then say 'Girl I need to do something about this.'

So lesson number 1 is: When you see that your weight is a problem, deal with it EARLY don't wait until you've gone from a size 8 to a size 14 before you address the issues at hand. Being Proactive is much better (and easier) then being Reactive.

Lesson number 2 comes from a 2003 study that was published in the journal 'Ethnicity and Disease.' It states that:

A recent study has revealed that overweight or obese white women are more inclined to ask for dieting help than their African-American counterparts.

This is an important point to take note of. The article about the study further notes that:

"We found that African-American women did not differ from Caucasians in terms of concerns about body shape and weight. But white women were more likely to be influenced by those concerns to seek help,” said lead author Dr. Rachel Annunziato, Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine.

So what we learn is that for whatever reason Black women aren't motivated by body image in the same way their white counterparts are and this lack of motivation (even though the concern is there) prevents Black women from seeking help regarding their weight.

The articles offers some suggestions why this may be the case from cultural factors to women being the primary caregivers of everyone but themselves.

My personal trainer friend also noted that for whatever reason White women are more inclined to invest in their health in a way that Black women do not. He elaborated that black women will invest in things to make them look nice (clothes, hair, nails, etc.) but won't invest in the things that will make them healthy.

Now I'm not saying my personal trainer friend's word is the end all be all on the topic but much of what he says is backed up by other sources such as the article 'Black Women Confuse Beauty With Health' which touches on the issue of black women striving to look good instead of being healthy.

So Lesson 3 is: Health and Beauty are not synonymous and Black women need to learn and understand the difference if they want to be successful in having a fit and healthy lifestyle.

Just some things to think about this post 3-day weekend morning.

Today is a new Day. What are you waiting for?

Barriers to Weight Loss: Hair

Alright ladies. Let's talk hair. In studies that are done about what's preventing AA women from working out, hair often comes up.

From the Baylor College of Medicine:

Most of the women who participated in the study reported that managing their hair made exercising a challenge.

From: Cutural Factors Keep Some Black Women Away From The Gym

Also, to get black women to exercise and adopt healthful lifestyles, you must take hair and appearance into consideration, Railey says.

"If a woman spends hours in a (salon) chair and spends $60, she’s out of the gym for at least two days,” Railey says.

So as you can see hair is a problem. A Big problem. My take on this is this: If it comes down between a a nice hairdo and heart disease/diabetes/cancer/hypertension and a slew of other illnesses. Which would you choose? That should be a no-brainer. But apparently it's not.

I'm a black woman so I understand how a lot of BW's confidence is tied up in their hair (and a myriad of other things) but at the end of the day your hairstyle shouldn't dictate your health.

The way I see it there are only 2 options to the hair dilemma. Option 1:

The Wrap

When I had hair (I'm currently a member of what I like to call: The Happy, Nappy, Natural and Free, Club) I used to wrap it before I went to the gym and slapped a scarf on it. Any Black woman worth her salt knows a well executed wrap can secure salon style straightness with minimal effort.

What wrapping your hair also does is prevent a lot of the excess moisture (read sweat) from wreaking havoc on your do. I know that for many Black women the worst thing that can happen is to have their freshly relaxed hair "turn" and those edges not be a s straight as they were when they left the hairdresser.

Wraps help to cut down on the "turning" and once you're ready to leave the gym if you have somewhere to go, comb out the wrap, apply a light bump with a curling iron or flat iron (optional) and you're good to go. Just as fly as when you left the salon.

Now obviously if you're working our regularly and you sweat profusely you will need to up how many times a week you wash your hair. Once a week to twice a week (three times a week is pushing it with relaxed hair 'cause it dries out so easily) should do the trick and be prepared to wrap it again.

If that sounds like it is too much work for you then there's Option 2:

Go Natural

Yeah I said it. Go natural. Black women are the only women on the planet who are told that there is a problem with their hair being in its natural state. White women may dye their hair (we do it too) but the texture of their hair remains the same.

To sistahs I say: Get out of bondage. Stop letting your hair rule you and wear (and love) the hair that God gave you.

With natural hair the issues Black women have with their hair and the gym disappear. Natural hair is wash and go hair. As a kid I used to envy White women and other non-black women for their wash and go/less labor intensive hair. It took me to get older to realize that I had wash and go hair too; it's just when you chemically alter our hair it doesn't do what it is naturally supposed to do.

I've been natural before. I had a min-afro for awhile and then at my mother's insistence I relaxed it. Then after a bad chemical burn that took out part of my hair and countless breakages and dryness I said, "Enough is a enough," and chopped it all off.

So now I have a very low boys haircut. And when I say low, I mean low. There are men running around with more hair on their heads then I have.

And here's a secret: Men LOVE it. Black men ladies. I get complimented on my hair ALL of the time. Young black men. Old black men. Rich, poor. Professional, blue collar. Compliments all of the time.

When I first cut it I was worried that I was completely ruining my dating life. I just KNEW brothers weren't going to pay me any mind. Big butt aside I didn't have any hair and all you hear (and see) is how a black man wants a woman with long flowing hair, whether it's hers or not.

Here's the other secret. The other thing I learned from this year of no hair: Men like women. Period. If they think you're hot then it doesn't really matter what's going on with your hair as long as it's neat and looks nice on you.

Oh and the bonus for those of you who want to date inter-racially: White men love it. I mean you'd think I was Halle Berry or something with the way they react. LOL.

My point is that you shouldn't let your hair determine you health. AND whether or not a man likes your hair isn't important, even though I know appearing attractive to the opposite sex is important to just about everybody.

While I'm trying to start a weight revolution maybe it's time we start a hair one to. It's time to stop ladies. Stop letting you hair rule you and time for you to rule your hair. Take back your life.

Today is a new day. So what are you waiting for?