Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Weight, Dating and Self-confidence

When it comes to dating, weight always seems to be an issue, especially for us Black women who come a little heftier then most (even many of us who are considered "skinny"). So what is an overweight sister to do if she's looking for love?

Well, first I'd like to say that I've never had a problem attracting men. Even with the 30lb weight gain. I'm not saying that to brag, but just to give you a perspective of where I'm coming from as I write this, not as as insider but from someone on the outside looking in.

Of the women I know, particularly the ones who are very overweight or outright obese, there are two groups: The one's who have exciting and fulfilling dating lives and those who never have a date, let alone a man, and are often complaining about that fact.

To me these groups have two very distinct outlooks on their weight and how that fits in with their social lives:

Group A: Believes they are a catch regardless of their size. They may want to lose weight but they don't let it stop them from enjoying themselves or the men who may ask them out. They're fun and outgoing and don't spend a lot of time talking about their weight or their desire to lose weight. They have high self-confidence and it shows. They recognize that their weight and their self-esteem aren't inextricably tied. They like men and men like them. Some are just dating, some are in steady, happy, fulfilling relationships, others are happily married.

Group B: Is convinced that their weight is the reason they can't find or don't have a man. They just know that if they lose the weight Mr. Right will show up. They see their weight as a personal failure, a very public personal failure and they figure everyone else does too. You often hear them say things like, "my fat butt..." this or "No one wants my big behind.." that. For them their weight is directly tied to their sense of self worth and it shows. So often, they don't have a man, aren't dating and it really doesn't seem like men want them.

Here's the deal:

Your weight and your self-confidence are NOT inextricably tied.

Yes, it can be difficult to meet people if you are very overweight but lets be real here: In a country where roughly 65% of the adult population is classified as overweight or obese, if fat folk weren't meeting, dating and marrying then NO ONE would be meeting, dating and marrying!

The point of this post is to say: If you feel like your weight is hindering your love life then by all means LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!! But don't put your life on hold until you do. Get out there. Have fun. Meet people. Who knows, you may find Mr. Right when you're at your heaviest and if he loves you then I don't see any reason why he wouldn't love you when you're a size 6 (or whatever your ideal weight/size is).

Today is a new day. So, what are you waiting for?


Fitness Goddess said...

I just realized this post is a year old. Great topic! Can it be reposted? This topic is definitely worth discussing. In my experience my weight has a very little affect on my confidence. I find that if you think highly of yourself so will other people.